11/2/25

hey! it's been a minute. i miss this. i miss this a lot. i've been so busy. the world sort of feels like it's falling down the drain every day that passes. i'm kind of lonely. this site is lovely and amazing but at the end of the day it is my own personal void to yell into, huh? it's comforting, having a little void, but i also want to make more friends. i should website hop until i find a friend my age that i can talk to- i don't have any online friends and would love one. someone to talk to who's detached from me as a person; they only know me based on what i say. i dunno.

i'm very mature and put-together for my age. i've also made leaps and bounds in my own skills and personal style recently. i have a job and a car and i draw beautiful art and cook food and sing songs at small cafes and get good grades on math tests. it's a rare sight to do this much and be this way so young. my mom says my siblings are kind of jealous. i think a lot of people envy my position. i don't say this to brag. but at the end of the day, i'm just lucky, you know? i was raised in the best place you could possibly be in in 2025 america with good parents who both give me what i need and want while teaching me valuable lessons. my experiences are few but my learning is plenty. i am lucky in both my genetics and my environment. it makes sense i turned out that way. i'm just lucky, and i used the luck i had because that's what i do. this kind of luck is what everyone deserves, so i'm not anything special. i don't want to be idolized and i don't want to be envied. i want to be around like-minded people. those can be difficult to find at 16.

but god, god, the way the world is and the place our country is in is terrifying. i'm terrified. i find the beauty in everything so easily and i will always be that way, but that beauty feels so tainted because not everyone has the privilege to find that beauty because they are too focused on trying to survive. but they will do so anyway, won't they? people still lived happy lives while their world burns. we still go day to day and look at sunsets and make stupid art and talk to people and be human. we'll be human while exhausted, scared, depressed. but i really hate that we can't just be human.

i just want everyone to have the room to be their own human. the world is already so beautiful. our humanity is beautiful in all of its ugliness.

if zohran doesnt win nyc mayor im actually gonna kill someone trust

i guess i'm just really tired and kind of burnt out. there's a lot going on in my regular life, too- last weekend was a frenzy of events that didn't give me time to catch my breath, and the following week was no different. but it kind of is my own fault; those were all things i signed up to do voluntarily. i'm just exhausted, i think. gotta have some time to stretch out, yknow?