8/9/25

hey! been a second. this past week's been really long and kind of tiring. it wasn't bad per se, it's just i didn't really get a day with nothing to do except stuff i want to do, which is what i designed my summer to be. it's okay, because the reason i didn't have free time was because i was working another job along with my usual one. this was voluntary. and i'm gonna make a lot of money off of it. but yeah i'm kinda wiped. but hey! money!

my relationship with money and buying things is kind of funny. i only really buy food and gas and the occasional cool thing i stumble across. i never order things online, and i never go out of my way to go shopping. it's a bit strange, because i want things- and i want to buy said things- but i just don't buy them. makes me terrible at giving gifts. when i lock in i'm great at it though, i was the champion of last year's christmas. i feel bad, because i usually don't get people things on their birthdays. but that's not because i don't like the person or don't care about them or anything, i just never buy things!
i expected to buy more stuff when i got my license and my job, and i have an ever-growing shopping list of cool stuff like new leaf for my 3ds with no games on it and perfume samples for my dream perfume scent of earl grey tea (GOD i want to smell like earl grey so badddd). but i just. never buy anything. i dunno, i just like to use what i have and whatever stumbles my way. maybe someday i'll make an online shopping account and actually get myself acnl.

branching off of my issues with gift-giving, one of my (now ex) friends would nag at me for not getting her gifts (specifically labubus.. you understand why we're ex-friends now?) for her birthday. i felt bad, like i wasn't being a good friend. but part of me was a bit annoyed- i've told her about my qualms with buying things, why do you think it would be different? even now i feel like kind of a jerk writing this.. but i dunno, when it comes to gifts, it really doesn't matter who you are, you're unlikely to recieve gifts outside of food from me.

that friend, she was quite a character. i feel kind of bad for her, because her life sucks right now, but i think it sucks partially because of things she can't control and partially because of things she can. she's selfish, ignorant, defensive, and insecure, and she takes what she has for granted. a devastating combination. i hope her situation improves- but i also hope she can finally learn some empathy. i think it would do her some good.

i know i'm being a bit harsh with her, but she's been so dismissive of me, and has said some really problematic and troubling things around my friends. she's also. a poser. like i know poser shouldn't be said lightly. but she's a complete poser. it's really unfortunate.

onto lighter stuff.

i think i have the silliest crush of my life, because i am crushing SO HARD on this guy who is just. one of the most normal people i've ever met. it feels almost comedic. he has such an interesting appearance, and looks so cool and pretty, and while he's not boring per se, he's just. once again. so normal. like he's cool! i hung out with him for a little while just the two of us and had nice conversation and after that i am still crushing on him, but like. really? not that having a crush isn't fun, crushing is a lot of fun, but what's the most ironic is that a friend of mine recently had a beautiful t4t love confession straight out of a movie and finally got together with his now-boyfriend that he's been pining after for a long time. i feel like the comedic subplot side character. but who knows, maybe i'll get a beautiful love confession or something. whatever. i'm literally just in highschool